Question: Somehow my wife and I got on the conversation of whether a married couple should ever have any secrets. We started off wanting to say no, but it seemed like there would be some times when one spouse might not tell the other something. But we could never comfortably agree on how to decide when that might be. We didn’t get in a fight, but we left the conversation pretty uncomfortable. Can you help us sort through this issue?

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Resources: Here are several resources that can be useful in preparing for of following up with the conversation discussed in this VLOG post.

  • For couples looking for guidance in specific areas of marriage, you could utilize each segment in the “Creating a Gospel-Centered Marriage” seminar series:
  • Chronically Self-Centered Spouse – A blog series that would be helpful for those who are in a relationship where transparency is being used as a means of control — usually evidence by a greater level of transparency being demanded than is given.
  • When People are Big and God Is Small — An excellent book for those who struggle with this question because of insecurity or codependent tendencies.

To review the other questions addressed in this VLOG series click here.

Note: The VLOG (video-blog) Q&A is a regular series on my blog. If you would like to submit a question, it can be e-mailed to Summit’s admin over counseling at (please note this is an administrative account; no individual or family counsel is provided through e-mail). Please limit your questions to 3-7 sentences. This is not a forum for to request or receive counseling. No responses will be sent to questions other than those selected for a video response.

If this post was beneficial for you, then considering reading other blogs from my “Favorite Posts on Marriage” post which address other facets of this subject.