This is the eighth podcast in a nine part series entitled “True Betrayal: Overcoming the Betrayal of Your Spouse’s Sexual Sin.”  True Betrayal has a complementing seminar entitled “False Love: Overcoming Sexual Sin from Pornography to Adultery.” For more information on either seminar, please follow the links provided.

“Living a Life Not Defined by what I’m Overcoming”
PERSEVERE in the new life and identity to which God has called me.

“Some of the pain related to my spouse’s sin remains [describe] but it defines me less and less. But I am also experiencing more of what God has for me. I never knew life could include [list of experiences] again. I see now that God was not withholding these things from me, nor were they forfeited. I am learning to enjoy them without guilt, fear, or guardedness. I have come to realize that ‘healthy’ means more than the absence of pain or sorrow. I am learning to trust and enjoy God in the rise and fall of my circumstances.”

Memorize: Romans 5:3-5 (ESV), “More than that, we rejoice in our suffering, knowing that that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through this Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” As you memorize this passage reflect upon these key points:

  • “Rejoice” – If you read the passage carefully, you’ll see we actually rejoice in the fruit of suffering; not the pain.
  • “Endurance… character… hope” – Hopefully this captures well the journey you have been on in this study.
  • “Shame” – God is faithful to not only redeem the suffering but remove the shame associated with suffering.
  • “God’s love” – The perfect love of a perfect God enables us to live with imperfect love of an imperfect spouse.
  • “Holy Spirit” – This seal (2 Cor. 1:22) of God’s permanent covenant provides the security for all earthy covenants.

Teaching Notes

“Even with all these complex factors, God’s healing grace abounds. If both partners are committed to restoring the marriage, they almost always succeed. The trauma often creates a deeper and more realistic intimacy with better boundaries in place. Greater maturity grows out of the crisis they have weathered (p. 351).” Doug Rosenau in A Celebration of Sex

“That night happened in 1993 [book published in 2005]. We can now say with absolute sincerity that we have fully healed from the adultery. Our marriage is strong and mutually satisfying. We have love and trust (p. 27).” Gary & Mona Shriver in Unfaithful

“One of the tests for an intimate relationship is answering the question, Can I be most myself in your presence? Can I be creative, funny, vulnerable, productive, strong, weak, flamboyant, shy or even smart? Can I couple any of those words with sex and romance? Can I be tough, forgiving, generous, spiritual, intuitive, graceful, clumsy, lazy, self-indulgent and disciplined? Do I feel equal, successful, attractive, encouraged, trusted and believed? Can I be fully as competent as I can be and not have my partner disappear? Do I feel challenged? Can I be accountable and hold my partner accountable? Is it OK to make a mistake? Does our time together really seem to matter (p. 66)?” Stephanie Carnes in Mending a Shattered Heart

“Forgiveness is a direction you are taking. Keep walking towards it (p. 173).” Gary & Mona Shriver in Unfaithful

Other podcasts in the G4-addiction series are available at:


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