This is the seventh podcast in a nine part series entitled “True Betrayal: Overcoming the Betrayal of Your Spouse’s Sexual Sin.” True Betrayal has a complementing seminar entitled “False Love: Overcoming Sexual Sin from Pornography to Adultery.” For more information on either seminar, please follow the links provided.
“What Is ‘Forward” and How Do I Move There?”
IDENTIFY GOALS that allow me to combat the impact of my suffering.
“I can now see that innocence and powerlessness are not the same thing. I used to think ‘it was not my fault;’ was the same as ‘there is nothing I can do.’ My old suffering story came with a way of life that I lived. The new story, identity, and beliefs that come with the gospel allow me to actively live differently without giving into the old false shame or regret. I can change [describe how] without a sense of condemnation [describe why].”
Memorize: I Peter 4:1-2 (ESV), “Since therefore Christ suffered in the flesh, arm yourselves with the same way of thinking, for whoever has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, so as to live for the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for human passions but for the will of God.” As you memorize this passage reflect upon these key points:
- “Arm yourselves” – Whenever we suffer we must actively engage and change our natural way of thinking.
- “Suffered… cease from sin” – A key part of overcoming sin in a fallen, broken world is learning to suffer well.
- “The rest of the time” – Identifying goals is a steps that pivots from processing the past to preparing for the future.
- “No longer for human passions” – Suffering enflames our passions. This is not wrong but is a source of temptation.
- “For the will of God” – In the midst of suffering it can be very tempting to seek relief more than the will of God.
“Prolonged pain indicates the degree of the hurt or injury, not the presence or absence of forgiveness. When pain comes to the surface, it reveals how severe the results of sin are; it does not mean that forgiveness has not occurred. Pain and forgiveness are different yet interrelated. Pain can continue after forgiveness (p. 60).” Earl & Sandy Wilson, et al in Restoring the Fallen
“Equally deceptive and harmful is a commitment to making sure your spouse now becomes the person you always wanted him or her to be (p. 49)… Trusting him again was not just about him being trustworthy; it was also about me recognizing there’d be times my trust would be required (p. 178).” Gary & Mona Shriver in Unfaithful
“Whatever your [self-protective] style of relating, it probably seems to work for you. But beneath the pretenses, you’ve made a commitment that you will never be hurt again if you can help it. This commitment conflicts with the commitment to love (p. 107).” Harry Schaumburg in False Intimacy
“The next step—if and when both are ready—is to recommit yourselves to the marriage covenant and to explore the marital problems that existed prior to the infidelity. The affair did not arise in a vacuum; good marriages seldom beget adultery (p. 18).” Robert Jones in After Adultery
“The one involved in the affair is relieved to be beyond the secrecy and guilt and is rediscovering some of the reasons for the original attraction to the partner. The one cheated on, after dealing with anger and betrayal, is excited not to have lost a mate… The problem with the honeymoon is that it can sweep issues under the rug, which can later come back to haunt the marriage (p. 352).” Doug Rosenau in A Celebration of Sex
“If you’ve just let loose on your spouse, this is a good time for you to call a break. And when you’ve cooled down, go to your spouse and apologize. Apologize for whatever you said or did that did not help the healing process. We don’t believe you need to apologize for the feelings—those are real and true—but you do need to say you’re sorry for the way you handled them at the particular moment (p. 155)… The other aspect of transparent honesty Mona had to accept was the fact that in the end, she would have to entrust Gary to God and place herself in a position of vulnerability (p. 187).” Gary & Mona Shriver in Unfaithful
Other podcasts in the G4-addiction series are available at: