This is the first podcast in a nine part series entitled “True Betrayal: Overcoming the Betrayal of Your Spouse’s Sexual Sin.” True Betrayal has a complementing seminar entitled “False Love: Overcoming Sexual Sin from Pornography to Adultery.” For more information on either seminar, please follow the links provided.
“What Am I Supposed To Do with This?”
PREPARE yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually to face your suffering.
“Living in denial about my spouse’s sin would be more costly than anything God would take me through in the restoration process. God is good for bringing me to the point of knowing what has happened. Therefore, I will put myself in the best physical, emotional, relational, and spiritual position possible to face my suffering.”
Memorize: Jeremiah 7:9-11 (ESV), “Will you steal, murder, commit adultery, swear falsely, make offerings to Baal, and go after other gods that you have not known, and then come and stand before me in this house, which is called by my name, and say, ‘We are delivered!’ – only to go on doing all these abominations? Has this house, which is called by my name, become a den of robbers in your eyes? Behold, I myself have seen it, declares the Lord.” As you memorize this passage reflect upon these key points:
- “Commit adultery, swear falsely” – God understands the betrayal of sexual sin and being lied to by one you love.
- “Stand before me in this house” – God understands the way sexual sin can change your perception of your home.
- “We are delivered” – God has heard broken promises that his bride (the church) would turn from her false lovers.
- “Only to go on doing” – God has had to respond when those promises repeatedly come up empty.
- “Den of robbers” – This experience of yours was on Jesus’ mind when He cleared the temple (Matt. 21:12-13).
“I heard Gary come in, and I heard the boys greet their father. Normal sounds. But this wasn’t a normal household. Nothing was normal anymore. I wasn’t normal. All I could do was cry and ask questions. I was obsessed. Everyone would be fine if I could just move on. They could all just live their normal little lives with all the other normal people (p. 41)… Nothing surprised me anymore. Except me—I surprised me all the time (p. 177).” Gary & Mona Shriver in Unfaithful
“During times of great difficulty, it’s common for people to neglect their own self-care… Feelings of shame or embarrassment often prevent a partner from turning to resources that could normally be a source of comfort (p. 105)… “[Testimony] I fluctuate between wanting to forgive him and filing divorce papers. I have always been the ‘stable’ one in our relationship and, recently, I feel like I’m going crazy (p. 37)… In general, it’s advisable not to make major decisions in the early days, unless you need to leave for your safety (p. 32). ” Stephanie Carnes in Mending a Shattered Heart
“Co-addicts may assume that when the sex addict gets into recovery, all their troubles will be over. They may think their problems are due solely to the sexual acting out and when that stops all other difficulties will stop. The problem is that they expect the sex addict to do all the work of recovery (p. 173).” Mark Laaser in Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction
“Most marriages in which both partners are committed to making the partnership work and go through the confession and repentance process usually survive and often become even more intimate (p. 347).” Doug Rosenau in A Celebration of Sex
“The spouse needs to realize he or she can contribute to the pain in many ways as well. One of the most common is whom they tell about the adultery and how they share that information… The truth is that those who are told all the details about the infidelity are rarely told all the details about the restoration process as it progresses. Yet we expect those same people to follow us on our path toward healing with only half the information. It is an unfairly placed burden on those who love us and want to protect us from harm (p. 117)… As a general rule of thumb, we suggest that as much of the pain as you have shared with others, that much of the healing process also needs to be shared with those same people (p. 252).” Gary & Mona Shriver in Unfaithful
Other podcasts in the G4-addiction series are available at: