Let’s add to the list of things that are frequently said in the privacy of a home, but hidden from the rest of the world.
- If you don’t stop asking “what’s wrong” I may get angry.
- Why can’t I have a bad day without it being a big deal?
- You’re family was just perfect and didn’t do conflict, so that’s why you’re so sensitive.
- You knew I was this way when you married me. Am I not good enough for you anymore?
- So you’re saying I’m just a lazy idiot and you’re life would be better off without me.
- [Silence] Fine! I just won’t say anything if I’m so sensitive!
- How many times have I told you not to do that?! Are you stupid or just don’t care?!
- Oh, and I guess you never make a mistake.
- That is so like you. It’s been how many years now and you’re making the same mistakes?
- I’m sick of being the only one who ever says “I’m sorry.”
- How was I supposed to know that you had already taken care of that?! You should have told me!
- If I had done that you would have gotten all over me.
- You’re not going to talk me like I’m a child. I left my parents house a long time ago.
- Don’t bother me right now.
- Get outta of my face. Get away from me. Shut up.
- You’re disgusting. You’re lucky I am willing to put up with you.
- We’re done! It’s over! I’m finished with you! You’re dead to me!
- Why do you make me talk to you this way? Do you think I enjoy being angry?
- I don’t care who sees me or hears me. I’m mad. I’m not going to be fake about it to suit you.
- If you didn’t want to know what I thought, why ask questions? You’re just setting me up.
- I’m only interrupting you because what you’re saying doesn’t make any sense.
- Do you know how many people would be ecstatic to work for / be married to me?
- Why would you think like that? That’s just dumb!
- We’ll just see what happens the next time you need help from me.
- You needed me there at 9:00, huh? Guess I just forgot because I was so hurt from last night.
- I just don’t want to talk about it. You figure it out.
- Maybe I do. Maybe I don’t. It’s none of your business.
- [Looking away obviously not listening]
- I’m just a loner. Get away from me
- I’ll try not to be such a screw and interfere with your life again.
- If you didn’t care about me, I wish you would have just told me instead of…
- Don’t you walk away from me. We’re going to finish this conversation [blocking door]
Here is a tool to help you move beyond hearing echoes of your own words to understanding the different types of anger (Overcoming Anger Evaluation).
How many of these have you heard in your home over the last month? These are indicators that anger is not being done well. You are now faced with a choice (a) try harder at what hasn’t worked and continue to live in defensiveness or shame, (b) live in denial and try to convince yourself that its not that big of a deal, or (c) allow God to begin to speak hope and change in your life through the gospel.
If you choose the latter (and I pray you do), then the “Overcoming Anger” seminar is a great place to learn God’s plan for redeeming this powerful emotion.