This video segment is one of five presentations in the “Creating a Gospel-Centered Marriage: Intimacy” seminar. There will be four more seminars in this series covering the subjects: foundations, communication, finances, and intimacy. As those presentations are ready they will be posted on this blog.
NOTE: Many people have asked how they can get a copy of the seminar notebook referenced in this verbal presentation. You can request a copy from Summit’s admin over counseling at email@example.com (please note this is an administrative account; no individual or family counsel is provided through e-mail).
Evaluation Three: GCM_Intimacy_Eval_Sex
Plumb Lines: These are the “sticky” statements that capture the core messages of this chapter.
- Sex is a celebration more than recreation
- Your sex life will never be better than your overall marital health
- The brain (imagination), skin (touch), and ears (listening) are the sexiest parts of our body.
- The purpose of this chapter is to heighten the God-intended bonding effect of sex by accentuating every aspect of the spouse and marriage you are celebrating in sex.
Memorize: Proverbs 5:18-19 (ESV), “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.” As you memorize this passage reflect upon these key points:
- “Rejoice” – The Bible does not want us to be embarrassed about enjoying sex; God wants you to enjoy His gift.
- “Of your youth” – This history you share together should add to the enjoyment of each other in sex.
- “Lovely… graceful” – A wife may not be a ballerina, but God calls you to see and speak of her with these qualities.
- “Breasts” – The Bible is not bashful about the delight a husband and wife should take in each other’s bodies.
- “Intoxicated always” – The sensual delight you take in each other should not be restricted to your young bodies.
“Another mark of this community should be free and open discussion about how the Bible’s perspective on sex plays out in life and relationships. The more often singles and married Christians reflect on the Biblical teaching about this, the more support singles will feel for abiding by it (p. 228).” Tim Keller in The Meaning of Marriage
“The task you face is not getting rid of all of your expectations, but basing them realistically on biblical principles…. It may seem like strange advice, but the quality of your sex life may depend on turning off the television, picking a good fight, becoming independent of your parents, setting up a budget, or taking regular vacations (p. xi).” Doug Rosenau in A Celebration of Sex
“In the busyness of life, lovers forget to make eye contact when they’re talking—or for that matter, when they are making love. The eyes express so much: acceptance, excitement, a longing to understand, and sexual desire (p. 122)… Every mate who wants to be a passionate lover must practice the discipline of growing up and becoming a confident person (p. 180)… There is nothing sexier than men or women who are comfortable in their own skin and can confidently launch into new adventures in wild and unique ways (p. 181).” Doug Rosenau in A Celebration of Sex
“In order for romance to deepen, you must touch the heart and mind of your wife before you touch her body (p. 28).” C. J. Mahaney in Sex, Romance, and the Glory of God
“To be sexy is to be aware of your body as an instrument of playfulness and delight, to be able to communicate this awareness to your husband and give him the gift of your body for pleasure, delight, variety, and playfulness. We’re going to tell you a secret. It’s better to be sensuous than to have a perfect ‘10’ body. (p. 59)… One of the quickest and best ways to feel good about your body is to have a rewarding sexual relationship with your husband. Good sexual experiences breed high levels of body satisfaction (p. 64).” Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus in Intimate Issues
“Making love needs to be based on an intimate marital partnership. Without the playful, loving companionship, sex becomes another buzz or rush that loses its perspective and has increasingly diminishing returns (p. 8)… You cannot work at creating better lovemaking; you and your mate have to play at it (p. 13)… Sexy lovers take the time to develop the sensual, romantic part of their minds and personalities (p. 18)… Sex is perhaps 80 percent fantasy (imagination in mind) and about 20 percent friction. Granted, pleasuring erogenous zones (friction) is fun, but what truly creates the excitement is your mind (p. 74).” Doug Rosenau in A Celebration of Sex