This video segment is one of five presentations in the “Creating a Gospel-Centered Marriage: Intimacy” seminar. There will be four more seminars in this series covering the subjects: foundations, communication, finances, and intimacy. As those presentations are ready they will be posted on this blog.

NOTE: Many people have asked how they can get a copy of the seminar notebook referenced in this verbal presentation. You can request a copy from Summit’s admin over counseling at (please note this is an administrative account; no individual or family counsel is provided through e-mail).

GCM-Intimacy03 from Equip on Vimeo.

Evaluation Two: GCM_Intimacy_Eval_The Story

Plumb Lines: These are the “sticky” statements that capture the core messages of this chapter.

  • Encouraging your spouse will change you more than it blesses your spouse.
  • We tend to be most selfish with the things bring us the most joy; this includes the romantic aspects of marriage.
  • “We replicate what we celebrate.” Be on the lookout for the fruit of the Spirit in your family.
  • Neither a powerful romance nor a great sex life can exist outside a story captivating enough to contain them.

Memorize: Philippians 3:1 and 7 (ESV), “Finally, brothers, rejoice in the Lord. To write the same things to you is not trouble to me and is safe for you… But whatever gain I had, I count as loss for the sake of Christ.” As you memorize this passage reflect upon these key points:

  • “Rejoice in the Lord” – When you say “This is good” does “good” mean “has some Godly or heavenly quality?”
  • “Same things” – If we’re repetitive about what annoys us (we are), let us be more repetitive about God’s blessings.
  • “Not trouble to me” – Paul cultivated a character that enjoyed rehearsing God’s blessings, so should we.
  • “Safe for you” – There is great soul and marital safety in contextualizing our struggles within God’s blessings.
  • “Gain… loss” – This perspective changes how we think about the “things that are really important.”

Teaching Notes

“It is vital to understand that the biblical story is the only story that can make sense out of the story of your life and your marriage (p. 208).” Paul Tripp in What Did You Expect?

“Only if you maintain your love for someone when it is not thrilling can you be said to be actually loving a person (p. 97).” Tim Keller in The Meaning of Marriage

“The way I live out my relationships with people is one of the clearest indicators of how healthy my relationship with the Lord is (p. xxi)… Encouragement is far more important than we often realize. It’s an attitude that focuses more on the reality of what Christians are becoming than on where they are presently failing (p. 125).” William P. Smith in Loving Well: Even If You Haven’t Been

“I do not want to live. I cannot live without my husband. I love him so much.” And when I respond, as I frequently do, “You are mistaken, you do not love your husband.” “What do you mean?” is the angry question. “I just told you I can’t live without him.” I try to explain, “What you describe is parasitism, not love.” Scott Peck in The Road Less Traveled

“Romantic love has no elasticity to it. It can never be stretched; it simply shatters (p. 15).” Gary Thomas in Sacred Marriage

“Take careful note, men, that these complements are not merely physical (p. 64).” C. J. Mahaney in Sex, Romance, and the Glory of God

“When two people speak honestly about their burdens, they come to a deeper understanding and love for one another. This is intimate stuff, the fine china of your spouse’s life (p. 17)… When two people sorrow together, rejoice together, and join together in a life task, the result is intimacy and closeness (p. 19).” David Powlison in Renewing Marital Intimacy