Council of Counselors: Sexual Abuse in Marriage / Church as Healing Community / Never Became Straight / Reporting Abuse / Making Meaning from Suffering

This is a weekly post that highlights resources from other counselors that I have found helpful. The counselors may be from the biblical counseling, Christian psychology, integration, or secular counseling traditions. By linking to a post, I am not giving it my full endorsement, I am merely indicating that I believe it made a unique contribution or raised an important subject for consideration.

Sexual Abuse in Marriage: 12 Ways to Help Victims by Darby Strickland

So, let’s start with the basics. We know we are to bear one another’s burdens (Gal. 6:2), especially when someone is facing evil (Rom. 12:9-12). We are to be compassionate, gentle, and patient in our care (Eph. 4:2; 1 Pet. 3:8). In addition to these basics, here are some practical ways to walk alongside and minister to these women.

• If you benefited from this article, you might also like “Small Group Leader Video: How Do We, as a Small Group, Walk Well with Someone Considering Divorce Because of Adultery or Abuse?“

The Church as a Healing Community by Diane Langberg

This is a 30 minute video resource from Diane Langberg on a page of other video resources on trauma and victim care.

• If you enjoyed this resource, you might also benefit from “Mentoring vs. Counseling: What’s the Difference?“

I Never Became Straight. Perhaps That Was Never God’s Goal. by Rachel Gilson

This is not a story of being gay and becoming straight. But maybe I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s rewind to the beginning. My parents met at a gay nightclub in San Francisco. My mother just wanted a safe place to dance. My father was the security guard. He abandoned my mother and me after abusing both of us physically. I didn’t even know he existed until I was 10, by which time my mother had remarried.

• If you want to learn to be a good friend on journeys like Rachel’s, consider this podcast resource “SJI Forum & Panel: Do Ask, Do Tell, Let’s Talk.“

What Churches Should Know About New Child Abuse Protection Requirements by Richard Hammar

These revelations led to the near-unanimous enactment by Congress, in February 2018, of the Protecting Young Victims from Sexual Abuse and Safe Sport Authorization Act of 2017. While many churches will not be directly affected by the Act, every church will be indirectly affected by the “best practices” and “standards of care” embodied in the Act. The Act will be relevant in assisting church leaders in establishing or updating their own child protection and abuse reporting procedures. Church leaders often are frustrated by the lack of concrete guidance in establishing such policies, and so efforts by other charities, and most importantly by the federal and state governments, to formulate child protection policies can be helpful, at least indirectly, to churches, in the following two ways:

• Here is a 13 minute video resource on “If I Learn of Abuse When Am I Mandated to Report and What Should I Do Even When I’m Not Mandated to Report?“

7 Ways to Make Meaning from Hardship by Tchiki Davis

Why does this happen? Challenging experiences often threaten to take away something that gives us meaning. We can let ourselves become overwhelmed by loss or instead, we can strive to gain greater understanding of ourselves, others, and our place in the world to regain the sense of meaning that was lost. How do we do it? Here are 7 ways to turn your negative experiences into meaning-making-moments.

• You will find many of these principles in the G4 9 Step Curriculum for Suffering-Based Struggles.

What I’m Reading

Life Without Ed: How One Woman Declared Independence from Her Eating Disorder and How You Can Too by Jenni Schaefer. Jenni had been in an abusive relationship with Ed for far too long. He controlled Jenni’s life, distorted her self-image, and tried to physically harm her throughout their long affair. Then, in therapy, Jenni learned to treat her eating disorder as a relationship, not a condition. By thinking of her eating disorder as a unique personality separate from her own, Jenni was able to break up with Ed once and for all.

Inspiring, compassionate, and filled with practical exercises to help you break up with your own personal E.D., Life Without Ed provides hope to the millions of people plagued by eating disorders. Beginning with Jenni’s “divorce” from Ed, this supportive, lifesaving book combines a patient’s insights and experiences with a therapist’s prescriptions for success to help you live a healthier, happier life without Ed.

Tweets of the Week

Meaningful Meme

On the Lighter Side

Because, “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones,” Proverbs 17:22.