Council of Counselors: PTSD / Not Solving Singleness / 10 Signs of People-Pleasing / Me-Centered Marriage / Kids Not Listening

This is a weekly post that highlights resources from other counselors that I have found helpful. The counselors may be from the biblical counseling, Christian psychology, integration, or secular counseling traditions. By linking to a post, I am not giving it my full endorsement, I am merely indicating that I believe it made a unique contribution or raised an important subject for consideration.

Scripture Is about PTSD by Ed Welch

Post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is the best-known psychiatric diagnosis of this decade. It essentially identifies a past traumatic event that refuses to stay in the past but intrudes into the present as if it just happened—or is happening. And, like so many psychiatric diagnoses, it seems to exist outside of Scripture’s reach.

• If you want a more in-depth look at how Scripture speaks to the experience of PTSD, consider this seminar.

Singleness Is Not a Problem to Be Solved by Stacy Reaoch

Recently I received an email from a single woman in her twenties asking for some advice. Her heart’s desire is to be married, but she doesn’t see any possibilities on the horizon. She spoke of her love for Jesus and her desire to pursue purity. That desire has kept her from indulging in the frivolous romantic relationships many young adults around her are enjoying.

• For more on the experience of singleness, consider this post of a five-part series by Laura McGee at Bridgehaven counseling.

10 Signs You’re a People-Pleaser by Amy Morin

Many people-pleasers confuse pleasing people with kindness. When discussing their reluctance to turn down someone’s request for a favor, they say things like, “I don’t want to be selfish,” or “I just want to be a good person.” Consequently, they allow others to take advantage of them. People-pleasing can be a serious problem, and it’s a hard habit to break. Here are 10 signs that you may be trying too hard to please everyone.

• If these signs fit you and you wonder “What now?” consider the fear of man theme in the Overcoming Codependency seminar.

When Marriage Became About Me, Myself, and I by Rene Breuel

Why do we marry today? According to Eli Finkel’s The All-or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work, we get married—and should get married—for our individual wellbeing. Finkel—a professor of psychology at Northwestern University—says we desire more from potential spouses than in previous eras: not just shelter and survival, or love and intimacy; we demand self-actualization, in an “all-or-nothing” paradigm of personal fulfillment. Finkel argues that such lofty expectations lead to more fulfilling marriages, but also with fewer couples able to attain them.

• If you want to transform your marriage from me-centered to gospel-centered, consider this series on marriage.

This Is Why Your Kid’s Not Listening to You by Stephanie Loomas Pappas

Once I started listening to myself, I realized that I often ask some version of “why?” in response to almost all of my child’s emotional outbursts. What’s the matter? Why are you crying? Why do you feel sad? Why are you laughing? In our worst moments, “why” can become a parent’s accusation. Why didn’t you tell me you needed help with your homework? Why did you break all your pencils? Why didn’t you remember to take the dog out? Why did you do that to your little sister?

• Want to become a better listener, consider my post “5 Types of Listening in Marriage: One Size Does Not Fit All“

What I’m Reading

Side by Side: Walking with Others in Wisdom and Love by Ed Welch. Everyone needs help from time to time, especially in the midst of painful circumstances and difficult trials. In this short book, a highly respected biblical counselor and successful author offers practical guidance for all Christians—pastors and laypeople alike—who want to develop their “helping skills” when it comes to walking alongside hurting people.

Written out of the conviction that friends are the best helpers, this accessible introduction to biblical counseling will equip believers to share their burdens with one another through gentle words of wisdom and kind acts of love. This book is written for those eager to see God use ordinary relationships and conversations between ordinary Christians to work extraordinary miracles in the lives of his people.

Tweets of the Week

Meaningful Meme

On the Lighter Side

Because, “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones,” Proverbs 17:22.

Is it too early for Christmas music?