Council of Counselors: Pastors’ Families / Men’s Mental Health / Parenting “I Don’t Know” / Sinning Less / Co-Parenting

This is a weekly post that highlights resources from other counselors that I have found helpful. The counselors may be from the biblical counseling, Christian psychology, integration, or secular counseling traditions. By linking to a post, I am not giving it my full endorsement, I am merely indicating that I believe it made a unique contribution or raised an important subject for consideration.

4 Lies that Cause Pastors to Neglect their Families by Jamie Owens

Among young pastors and church planters, there’s no less than a deluge of pressure to give every waking moment to our churches, to the neglect of our families. But brothers, it should never be so. Below I want to offer four lies that can cause young pastors to neglect their families:

• If you want more on how to steward your 168 hour week well (to balance ministry-family or work-family), then consider this resource on burnout.

Five Obstacles Men Overcome to Accept Mental Health Problems by Lauren Mizock

Acceptance of a mental health problem is one of the most critical and difficult stages of recovery. In my book, Acceptance of Mental Illness, I use the term acceptance to refer to the process of recognizing and actively managing a mental health problem. One of my research findings is that the process of acceptance is particularly affected by gender. In my last post, I described the unique experiences of women in the acceptance process. In this post, I describe the obstacles men overcome to accept a mental health problem.

• This post, “The Role of Language in the Stigma of Mental Illness” covers another obstacle, not gender related, for people to reach out for the help they need.

When a Child Says, “I Don’t Know” by Julie Lowe

The book of Proverbs reminds us that we are to disciple our children (Prov. 1:8). But to do that—to be good disciplers—we need relationships with our kids that are honest and open. We need to know what is really going on with them so we can help encourage godly thinking. But kids don’t always cooperate. Sometimes they don’t want to talk with us, and at a surprisingly young age, children learn they can avoid engaging in thoughtful discussion by giving the notorious “I don’t know” response to our questions.

• This collection of posts on parenting looks at many difficult conversations parents can have with their children.

The Science of Sinning Less by Bradley Wright

I discovered social science research on self-control—and it turns out there’s a lot of it. Studies on self-control have boomed in the past two decades, and self-control is a really good thing to have. Research has found, for example, that people with more self-control live longer, are happier, get better grades, are less depressed, are more physically active, have lower resting heart rates, have less alcohol abuse, have more stable emotions, are more helpful to others, get better jobs, earn more money, have better marriages, are more faithful in marriage, and sleep better at night. But psychologists, sociologists, and other scientists aren’t just interested in self-control’s practical benefits. They want to know what it is, how it works, and why some people seem to be better at it than others.

• My very first blog post (all the way back in May of 2009) was on the subject of sanctification.

Co-Parenting: Event Etiquette by Ron Deal

Kids love when their parents attend their recitals, concerts, and sporting events but not if co-parents make it stressful. So, mind your etiquette. Sit where you feel comfortable and be respectful to the other parent. After the event, let your child hug or talk to each parent no matter who has visitation. To keep the event safe for everyone, don’t discuss parenting matters otherwise it turns a recital into a business conversation. Let the moment be about celebrating your child.

• In my post “Spiritually-Morally Divided Co-Parents in a Blended Family” I look at an effective (and several ineffective) approaches to co-parenting.

What I’m Reading

Making All Things New: Restoring Joy to the Sexually Broken by David Powlison.Sexuality was a part of God’s good creation from the beginning. But with sin came a world filled with sexual brokenness. Thankfully, God is always in the business of restoration.

This book offers hope for both the sexually immoral and the sexually victimized, pointing us all to the grace of Jesus Christ, who mercifully intervenes each moment in our lifelong journey toward renewal. Author David Powlison casts a vision for the key to deep transformation, better than anything the world has to offer—not just fresh resolve, not just flimsy forgiveness, not just simple formulas, but true, lasting mercy from God, who is making all things new.

Tweets of the Week

Meaningful Meme

On the Lighter Side

Because, “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones,” Proverbs 17:22.