Below is a video from the presentation of “Overcoming Codependency.” For the various counseling options available from this material visit

NOTE: Many people have asked how they can get a copy of the seminar notebook referenced in this verbal presentation. You can request a copy from Summit’s admin over counseling at (please note this is an administrative account; no individual or family counsel is provided through e-mail).

“Narratively Resetting Before Relationally Re-Engaging”
LEARN MY GOSPEL STORY by which God gives meaning to my experience.

Overcoming Codependency – Step 6 from The Sam James Institute on Vimeo.

Memorize: Romans 12:14-18 (ESV), “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” As you memorize this passage reflect upon these key points:

  • “Bless” – Living in healthy relationship patterns is a blessing to others; even if they don’t like it and resist it.
  • “Do not be haughty” – You are not saying you’re “better than” the other person when you relate healthily.
  • “Repay no one” – Part of living redemptively is resisting the desire for revenge.
  • “Honorable in the sight of all” – Regardless of the outcome, you want to be proud of how you conducted yourself.
  • “As it depends on you” – God does not put pressure for the outcome of the relationship exclusively on you.

Teaching Notes

“Your life was intended for more than shame, guilt, fear, anger, and confusion. The abuse does not define you or have the last word on your identity. Yes, it is part of your story, but not the end of your story (p. 17).” Justin and Lindsey Holcomb in Is It My Fault?

“True healing happens as we learn to live holy lives by growing into the identities God has already given us, which is what will make us whole (p. 193).” Leslie Vernick in The Emotionally Destructive Relationship

“The cross doesn’t answer all of our questions about human suffering, but it assures us of God’s compassion for human misery (p. 176)… Those who suffer often feel isolated and disconnected from others. They often feel no one really understands what they are experiencing… The beauty of the cross is that it connects Jesus with our suffering, particularly the suffering produced by abuse (p. 176).” Steven R. Tracy in Mending the Soul

“That belief gets ingrained in me, affecting how I live. So I want to release the emotion and inaccurate belief, then let Life teach me – through a series of experiences – something new, healthier, more enlightened, for instance, that I’m loved by God. But it’s not an intellectual process. It’s discovery, and we integrate it (p. 230).” Melody Beattie in The New Codependency

“The most radical treatment for the fear of man is the fear of the Lord (p. 19)… Our goal is to love people more than need them. We are overflowing pitchers, not leaky cups (p. 179).” Ed Welch in When People Are Big and God Is Small

“We’re more than what we have suffered, and that is the reason we can do something with our memory of it – integrated into our life story, turn it into a junction from which we set out on new paths, for instance (p. 80)…All three elements of the healing of memories – a new identity, new possibilities, and an integrated life story – drew their basic content from the memory of the Passion understood as a new Exodus, a new deliverance (p. 103)… Wrongdoing does not have the last word. If we remember a wrongdoing – no matter how horrendous – through the lens of remembering the Exodus, we will remember that wrongdoing as a moment in the history of those who are already on their way to deliverance (p. 108-109).” Miroslav Volf in The End of Memory