As I type this my home looks like a box farm. In between the evenly spaced rows of boxes are bag weeds and toys weeds sprouting across the floor. It is a chaos that I do not enjoy. But as I have faced it, I have been surprised at how little (relative to previous transitions) it has affected me.
In all honesty, I do not believe this is because of some spiritual growth spurt. Instead, I think it has more to do with the level of trust I have in my wife. She is amazing. I think she is the prototype Solomon used to test pilot Proverbs 31 (if he was the smartest guy ever, he could have built a time machine).
As I look at my messy home, I know my wife has a plan. I don’t pretend to fully understand all that is going on. There is an order to when things are packed and where collections of boxes are stacked. We have several stages to the move ahead of us – home to apartment to home. Some things will have to go into storage while we wait. We may pass through several seasons during that time – winter, spring, summer (we pray not fall – sell home sell!). Each season has its own needs.
Yet even as I type those things, I am not hyperventilating because I have seen my wife work through many complex domestic dilemmas during the course of our marriage. I am struck by how much stronger my faith can be in my wife than in my God.
Everything that I wrote about my home could have been said about my life. Each description of my wife could also be said of my God (and more). But with one I rest in delight and awe and the other I fret and get antsy. I trust my wife more to orchestrate the moving of our home than I do my God to orchestrate the sell of our home (for one example).
I admit that if there is a relationship I have that borders on (and sometimes crosses) the line of idolatry it is my wife (followed closely by my children). When that line is crossed I should repent of that sin as much as any other.
But that is not the first place my thoughts have gone as I have examined myself in the midst of the moving process. I see in this the blessing of having a “godly” spouse. When my spouse reflects the character of God and I share the closest of personal relationships with her, I learn what it is to trust God.
In this regard, I am discipled by relating to her character as much by living in interaction with her godly characteristics as I am by having a scripturally-informed, theologically-consistent conversation with her. I get a taste, a glimpse, a sense of what it means to follow God in the midst of uncertainty as I walk with my wife through a messy house.
I pray there are ways she could say the same of me. That there are ways in which I emulate God’s character well enough that her daily interactions with me create a living case study of what it means to have a close, daily relationship with God.
Two final thoughts on this post: first, do not let the thoughts expressed here be an excuse not to study Scripture in your pursuit of following God. A spouse is never a replacement for God (that is the essence of idolatry). Second, do look for characteristics of God in your spouse and reflect on how the traits enrich your life. Then trace them back to God and allow the blessings of marriage to enrich your walk with God.
Posted 1 year, 1 month ago at 12:17 pm. Add a comment
As the Church, As Christ (5:23, 25)
Too often we attempt to understand this passage backwards. Paul has spent five chapters describing the relationship between Christ and the church so that we could understand these few verses. Yet when we begin our application we just want to know who gets the last say in a disagreement, how often they can/cannot enact this power, and how this is not being a doormat.
There is absolutely no way to make proper application of this passage with that approach. Unless both spouses are coming to this passage with a reverent awe for how sacrificially Christ loves the church and how completely (with joy and protection) the church submits to Christ, each spouse should stop and reread Ephesians 1-5:21. Until this happens you have two people wanting to use God and the Bible to support their agenda and dreams. No marriage will function until you have two servant-minded people in the covenant.
Application: Try to write the wedding vows that would exist between Christ and the church (basic principles of salvation). Imagine what the division of household labor would look like between Christ and the church (how we grow in sanctification by grace). Consider how Scripture teaches the church to make major decisions under the headship of Christ. Reflect on how the church is called to administer discipline to its members (children) under the headship of Christ. After this reflection (based upon Scripture not personal opinion) you are prepared to try to apply Ephesians 5:22-33 to marriage roles.
That He Might Present
(BCH_Eph5C_handout for Printable PDF Handout)
Upon her arrival into heaven, Christ will present His church in the splendor He cultivated in her to Himself (Eph 5:27). As a husband, I am to keep this in mind as I love my wife through this life. The life my wife shares with me and the manner in which I love her is to beautify her body and soul. AND! I am to enjoy the process as I delight in the progress.
Here are some ways we engage with this biblical job description for husbands:
- Model timely, thorough, and healthy repentance for our own sin.
- Lead our family to live within our means with money and time.
- Instruct, discipline, and enjoy the children of our home.
- Be dependable in the things we say we will do.
- Romance our wife in a way that resembles God’s delight for her.
- Share what God teaches us in our personal Bible study.
- Volunteer information about how our wife can pray for us.
- Sacrifice time and energy for her to express her spiritual gifts.
- Engage with other Christian couples with similar passions.
- Like Christ in prayer, listen with concern to the content of her thoughts.
We will never love our wife like Christ does the church without taking seriously our call to be like Christ. I pray (and want to pray more often than I do) that one of the trophies of my life is a wife who reaches the arms of her True Husband “in splendor” with many marks of grace as a result of our journey through life together. If you would also take up this prayer, I would encourage you to read Gary Thomas’ book Sacred Marriage.
Because We Are Members of His Body (5:30)
Usually (at least from my experience) this phrase gets under taught. There is so much to teach in Ephesians 5:22-29 and the summary punch of verses 31-33 that this phrase just gets lost. Why does Christ love us so well? He has taken us as members of His body—the church. How should a husband think of his wife in order to love her as Christ would? We are to think of her as a member of our own body.
When we fail to love our wife well we usually either do not think of her or view her as against us. That would be the equivalent of trying to solve severe hunger by distracting ourselves or solving a headache by banging our head against a wall. That is not what we do with our body. We may over eat or over medicate, but we care for “our body.” The challenge to love our wife well is a challenge to take our “one flesh” relationship seriously.
Application: (Taken too far this becomes codependency) Treat each concern of your wife as if it were your own. Do not merely ask, “What would I do if I were her?” That would be duplicating yourself as your wife. Your call is to “incarnate” yourself in your wife’s experience (as best you can). The new questions are, “How does this affect my wife? When does this become more intense for her? What is most comforting for her? How can I remind her of my concern and protection?” These are the questions we ask of and pray that God would be involved with our concerns, so it is how we should love our wife as “members of our body.”
Introduction to the “Living Our Faith” series.
TOOL: “Using Prayer Time to Cultivate Ministry”
BLOG POST: “Teachers Equipping Ministers Through Prayer Time“
Posted 1 year, 3 months ago at 12:29 pm. Add a comment
A Counselor Reflects on Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis
“It is a mistake to think that some of our impulses—say mother love or patriotism—are good, and, others, like sex or the fighting instinct, are bad… Strictly speaking, there are no such things as good and bad impulses. Think once again of a piano. It has not got two kinds of notes on it, the ‘right’ notes and the ‘wrong’ ones. Every single note is right at one time and wrong at another. The Moral Law is not any one instinct or set of instincts; it is something which makes a kind of tune (the tune we call goodness or right conduct) by directing the instincts (p.11).” Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis
I think we too often treat good and bad as qualities (like hot and cold or sweet and sour) instead of directions (like East and West or high and low). In terms of what Lewis is saying, if good and bad are qualities then particular impulses inherently have a particular quality. For instance, mother love would be good in the same way that a jalapeño is hot. The definition of jalapeño necessarily includes hot.
Yet mother love can be both good and bad. Mother love is at the root of fond childhood memories and the negative cliché’s associated with the title “mother-in-law.” This is where the metaphor of direction (towards or away from God) is helpful. If I am traveling North to New York City and reach Canada, then I have gone too far North. North was originally “good” but the excess now makes South “good” and continuing North “bad.”
The movement of the “direction” is love. Too often we try to think of sin as hate and holiness as love. But in actuality all sin is love and holiness is also love (just in the opposite direction). Consider the Great Commandment passage:
And [Jesus] said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets (Matthew 22:37-40).”
If the command to is to love God first and neighbor second, then I break this command by loving something or someone else first and second. Therefore, all sin is love (in the wrong direction or order). Hence, Paul would warn Timothy, “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs (1 Tim. 6:10).”
Hopefully this will help us in our battle with sin. Too often we have turned to God and His Word asking, “Tell me what I should and should not do; should and should not feel; should and should not think.” This is a request for labels; not direction (or a tune).
Now, as we turn to God and His Word we can ask, “Tell me where my love should go; what should it sound like; what is the outcome I should strive for?” The answer to this question is not primarily rules, but outcomes.
A young pianist memorizes notes (and this is good for the novice). An experienced pianist reads the music, understands how the music is to “move” the audience, and delivers a song. As we read God’s Word and learn to follow it, let us begin with memorizing notes (learning good from bad), but let us not be content until we allow the Word to “move” us in the rhythm and direction of God’s heart.
Posted 1 year, 5 months ago at 11:53 am. 1 comment
A Counselor Reflects on Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis
“Each man is at every moment subjected to several different sets of laws but there is only one of these he is free to disobey. As a body, he is subjected to gravitation and cannot disobey it; if you leave him unsupported in mid-air, he has no more choice about falling than a stone has… He cannot disobey those laws which he shares with other things; but the law he does not share with animals or vegetables or inorganic things, is the one he can disobey if he chooses (p.4-5).” Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis
Lewis is pointing out that most natural laws are impossible to disobey – gravity, laws of physics, or biological laws regarding health. Try to fly and you will fall. An object at rest stays at rest. Drink poison and you will get sick or die. Yet the moral law, by which we all cry “unfair” and know what we mean, is the only law we can break. We can know right and do wrong.
The other laws we can master. We can learn to fly, understand physics at the molecular level, and make fascinating changes in our body through our understanding of nutrition. Yet the moral law, no matter how much we study it, cannot be mastered.
The moral law is the only law that does not impose its outcome on humanity and it is the only law for which understanding does not result in mastery. That is what it means to be free and fallen (not a reference to the classic rock song).
As you wrestle with the implications of this, also consider Romans 7:21-8:2.
So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin. There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. (emphasis added)
This passage speaks of up to four laws of moral significance: the law of God, the law of my mind, the law of sin, the law of the Spirit of life. From what I understand of the passage, none of these uses of the word law refer to a set of rules, but each has the connotation we use when we say “the law of gravity.”
The reason we can break the moral law and none of the other natural laws is that human nature has been infected with a competing law (the law of sin). This is similar to the law of gravity being infected with the law of aerodynamics as a plane accelerates down the runway. The contradiction of the two does not make either less real, although it can make the moments surrounding take off a bit queasy.
As Christians with a new nature or as non-Christians by the common grace awareness of right and wrong, we live in this turbulence.
Due to this bad infection (Lewis later describes conversion as “good infection”) we are powerless to correct the problem by obeying rules or “doing better.” The broken law is not a violated rule, but a pre-birth bent disposition resisting the “law of God.” For this reason, we need a new nature (2 Cor 5:17) and a new heart (Ezek 36:26). Praise God that is what “mere Christianity” offers through Christ!
Posted 1 year, 6 months ago at 1:17 pm. Add a comment
It is always a bit dangerous to imply motive on biblical characters when the text does not do so. But for this post I am going to live on the wild side.
Have you ever wondered why Pharaoh would have gone after Israel after ten plagues (Exodus 14), the last which cost the first born of every house and animal in Egypt? The texts says in various places that Pharaoh’s heart was hardened (sometimes it attributes this hardening to God and sometimes to Pharaoh). But a hard heart is not a unique condition in Scripture. In many ways it is the common cold of biblical diagnoses.
I would like to offer a possible motive for Pharaoh’s decision. One that I believe is plausible, but that also might cause modern readers of Exodus to pause and see themselves in Pharaoh.
Motive: I want a return on investment for my sin.
Consider the following modern examples as illustrative of this same motivation.
- The teenager who has spent six months in a bad relationship, but does not want to break it off because he might learn his lesson and become a good boyfriend or girlfriend for someone else.
- The adult who feels guilty about their recurring sin (i.e., over spending, pornography, over eating, drinking too much) and thinks, “If I am already in trouble, I might as well enjoy it.”
- The child who knows they are going to get a spanking or grounded, but figures they might as well enjoy their current behavior while they can.
Now let’s go back to Pharaoh. He has already lost a year’s harvest, his supremacy in the eyes of the people of Egypt, and his first-born son. What does he have to show for it? Nothing. Pharaoh wagered all of that to keep Israel as slave labor. Now he “comes to his senses” (again, I am assigning motive to actions) and thinks with a hardened heart, “Am I so foolish as to lose grain, power, my son, and my labor force? No, I paid dearly to keep them. They will be mine!”
This is where the instruction comes in for you and me. Sin never pays. When we try to get a payoff from our sin, we are thinking with hardened heart logic. That mindset should send off powerful alarms in our conscience.
Warning: The mental formula “I have experience [negative consequence] so I should [double-or-nothing and/or reckless decision]” is an age-old formula. It is the logic of addiction and the thrill of a casino. It drips of death; not because it necessarily immediately destroys life, but because it is the first step into the downward spiral of a hardened heart.
Regardless of whether this was the precise motive of Pharaoh’s hardened heart, use this post as a warning for your own moments of temptation. Realize that temptation always makes sense to us in the moment, but in retrospect is as foolish and indefensible as Pharaoh’s decision to go after Israel.
Posted 1 year, 8 months ago at 12:45 pm. 1 comment
God’s Presence (25:8)
For God to have a mobile home was about as odd sounding to Israel as it is to us today, but for different reasons. In ancient times gods were associated with places. For Yahweh to say, “My place is with My people,” was paradigm shifting. It reinforced and foreshadowed the words God would speak at the end of the Exodus journey, “I will never leave you or forsake you (Joshua 1:5).”
Likely we have become too comfortable with God’s presence to be appropriately moved by this verse. We are four stages ahead of where Israel was here – from sanctuary, temple, incarnation, to indwelling of the Holy Spirit. As any history teacher will tell you, “We must appreciate how we got here if we are to appreciate where we are.”
Reflection: How would having a God who was willing to travel with you have encouraged and challenged Israel? What aspects of God’s character are revealed through His command to build a tabernacle? When are you tempted to doubt those aspects of God’s character? How does this reflection on the tabernacle increase your understanding of and appreciation for the indwelling of the Holy Spirit?
Mercy On Top of Presence (25:21)
God’s presence is a double edged sword. Honestly, it is a blessing that none of us can handle on our own. The construction of the Ark of the Covenant reminds us of this. For this reason, on top of the Ark of the Covenant was the mercy seat where offerings would be made for sin.
As we read of the Ark of the Covenant’s construction, we should be struck by God’s holiness, wisdom, and grace. Holiness – as we recognize that the mercy was absolutely necessary due to the difference in God’s character and ours. Wisdom – as we see the foreshadowing of Christ’s sacrifice and God’s heart to prepare our understanding. Grace – as we realize what God saw (His Son) each time lamb’s blood was shed on the mercy seat.
Reflection: When you think of God’s presence in your heart do you also reflect on what Christ did to tear the veil in the temple of the Holy of Holies? Allow this to deepen the appreciation you have for the indwelling Holy Spirit. How does this imagery affect your identity as the “Temple of God”?
Sanctified By God’s Glory
(BCH_Exodus_25_handout for Printable PDF Handout)
Exodus 29:43 (ESV)
“There I will meet with the people of Israel, and it shall be sanctified by my glory.”
Ultimately, what is it that motivates us to put off sin and pursue holiness? There are many answers we could give which might capture some truth. We see here, however, that the final answer is – the glory of God.
Sin is living for self and now. It is only the glory of God that can penetrate the lies which seem so appealing, right, wise, good, understandable, or acceptable. With that said, how much do you know about God, His character, and His ways? Does your vocabulary stop with words like great, good, powerful, or smart? If so, then chances are your view of God has a hard time penetrating and impacting your moments of temptation.
If you want to have a more robust view of God which will shine forth and stand up in your moments of temptation consider reading one or more of the following books.
As you read, or as you just reflect on temptation, always be asking yourself the question, “How did a particular temptation diminish or discredit the glory of God in my life in order to make itself look more appealing?” Remember the fight against and away from temptation is always a flight towards and for God.
Introduction to the “Living Our Faith” series.
TOOL: “Using Prayer Time to Cultivate Ministry”
BLOG POST: “Teachers Equipping Ministers Through Prayer Time“
Posted 1 year, 9 months ago at 5:18 pm. Add a comment
Demanding a Sign (v. 11)
The Pharisees reveal their blindness in that they ask for a sign immediately after Jesus has fed 4,000 people with seven loaves of bread. Jesus openly displays his displeasure with an angry sigh. Because they rejected Jesus’ identity (about to be discussed in v. 27-30) they cannot or will not see the miracles that are done in their presence.
We are not granted the option of partial or selective vision. God does not allow us to choose what we do and do not agree with concerning His character and activity. As we will see, verses 22-26 are an acted parable that we do receive progressive vision. However, if we reject what God has done in our lives to us, we will not be able to accept the rest of what God has made known.
Reflection Questions: What aspect of God’s character or activity in your life do you have the hardest time accepting? Pray earnestly to God that He would grant you the grace to accept this truth. Speak with a mature Christian friend or pastor about this struggle to ensure your thinking correctly about what you are trying to accept. If need be, start with the prayer, “I believe. Help my unbelief (Mark 9:24).
Do You Have Eyes But Fail to See?
(Click Here for Printable PDF Handout)
Don’t you feel sorry for the disciples? They doubt the bread and God does a miracle. They start thinking about bread and miss the point of the miracle. They could answer all the factual questions, but missed the question of relevance. Why? They did not yet understand who Jesus was or what He was up to. This impeded their ability get the significance of all they were blessed to experience.
That raises a very relevant question for us, “Do we understand who Jesus is and what He is up to in our lives?” If not, even the grandest works of God in our lives will be misunderstood. We may be able to answer many factual questions and be willing to give God credit for it all. However, we would still be missing the point.
As you seek to make sense of Christ, consider these foundational truths about His work in our lives.
- Jesus came to glorify the Father and everything He does is for that purpose (John 17:1).
- Jesus is willing to sacrifice greatly for our benefit (John 3:16).
- Jesus expects us to find joy by being sacrificial people (Mark 8:34-38).
- Jesus knows that lasting joy is only found in holy character (Matt 5:48)
- Jesus does not promise to remove suffering (Matt 5:11-12).
- Jesus works in the midst of suffering (Matt 5:43-47).
- Jesus hates suffering even when it is produces great good (Matt 26:38-39).
- Jesus is not soft on those who inflict suffering (Mark 9:42).
- Jesus does not work on our time table (Mark 13:11).
- Jesus will not and does not leave us alone (John14:18, 26).
- Jesus has complete compassion and understanding of our circumstances (Heb :15).
- Jesus rewards those who are faithful (Rev 22:12-16)
If you are in a time when you feel blind to what God is doing, then take time to meditate on these truths about your Savior in light of your circumstances. Pray with a humble, patient heart that God would show you His full character and activity. Pray you would have eyes to see it.
Progressive Vision Restoration (v. 22-26)
Jesus performs this miracle in between His rebuke of the disciples regarding their spiritual blindness and their guessing towards His true identity as the long-awaited Messiah. This is an acted parable of grace. While we must accept who Christ is, our vision may be restored gradually so long as we do not defiantly resist what is made known.
This is truly Jesus stepping out of high usual pattern (instantaneous healing when He heals) to demonstrate His patience with our slow process of understanding. Notice in the next verses the disciple’s eyes are opened to Jesus identity as the Messiah as slowly as this blind man’s site was restored.
Balanced View of God: The disgust Jesus demonstrated with the Pharisees in verse 12 does not carry over to the blind man or the disciples. Both experience spiritual blindness. The Pharisees were willfully blind. The disciples were blind from fear or confusion. Notice that Jesus does not respond to them on the basis of their condition (blindness) but on the condition of their heart (hard or humble). Let this be a comfort to you.
Blog Resource: “Take Up Your Cross and Follow Me” applied to marital communication.
Introduction to the “Living Our Faith” series.
TOOL: “Using Prayer Time to Cultivate Ministry”
BLOG: “Teachers Equipping Ministers Through Prayer Time“
Posted 2 years, 1 month ago at 3:39 am. Add a comment
Success does not always reduce pressure.
Permit me to have a few “high school athlete” reminisces. There were a couple of occasions when as a baseball pitcher I took a no-hitter past the sixth inning (o-kay, so maybe these are Khoury league memories). A strange thing happened. Although I was having great success, I began to feel pressure. I had gotten at least 18 consecutive batters out (the entire line up twice) without giving up so much as a hit, but now I was the one feeling fearful. How crazy is that? They should have been nervous, not me.
What was going on? My mindset changed. No longer was I just trying to get the next batter out, I was thinking about how to get the next nine batters out…how disappointed I would be if someone got a hit…the story in our local newspaper…putting the game ball on my shelf…how klutzy the second baseman was and the threat he posed to my accomplishment…(you get the idea). I became a streaker (don’t let you imagination get carried away) instead of a pitcher.
In counseling I see many people struggle with the same type of issue. They do good for “a while” (i.e., no anger episode, keeping the house in order, avoiding pornography, taking “what if” anxiety thinking captive, consistently having a daily devotion etc…) then they feel the pressure of “doing good,” fail, and feel more miserable because of their streak being broken. Maybe they were in a support group and had to go back to the dreaded “white chip.” Maybe they have to face the scorn of a spouse who says, “See, I knew you weren’t serious about changing.” Maybe they just have to live with the thought, “If I can’t beat this struggle after 12 good days, how will I ever beat it after a bad day?”
Let us ask ourselves a few questions. (1) How does God think about our streaks? (2) Does a streak have any impact on our next choice, conversation, or temptation? (3) How can we “do good” without creating a sense of mounting pressure?
First, I believe our streaks mean much more to us than they do to God. God knows our heart perfectly (Prov 24:12). We are the ones who have become deceived about our current condition as our streak advances (Jer 17:9). We are the ones who begin to believe maybe I have finally defeated sin. God knows better. God desires a heart that is seeking hard after Him (Micah 6:8). God is the one who designed sanctification (the process of spiritual maturity) to occur progressively (over a lifetime). God wants our desire to put sin to death to be constant (Rom 8:13). The believer who gets to heaven with the longest streak does not get the seat next to Jesus at the great wedding feast.
Second, we must recognize that streaks do not matter as much as fundamentals (to borrow from the baseball metaphor above). Throwing strike one does not carve a groove in the air that the second pitch will follow like a tire in the rut of an old dirt road. However, good pitching mechanics do allow for more consistent pitching. The application is that we must learn from every temptation (whether we overcome or succumb). A better question than “how long is my sinless streak?” is “have I learned from each temptation better ways of overcoming and am I putting these into practice?” God recognizes that wisdom and humility are more effective at grooming character than streaks (Prov 3:5-7).
Third, we must recognize that we never out grow the Gospel. The Christian life is a perpetual coming to the end of ourselves and relying totally on God again (Luke 9:23-25). We don’t put the blood of Christ on lay away until we get this sin thing under control (Heb 10:14). We come to him daily, hourly, and moment-by-moment for it is only by His Spirit that we bear the fruit that uproots the works of the flesh (Gal 5:16-24).
Posted 2 years, 8 months ago at 3:16 am. Add a comment
