This post is meant to offer guidance to common “What now?” questions that could emerge from Pastor J.D.’s sermon on Jonah 4 preached at The Summit Church Saturday/Sunday January 28-29, 2012.
When you have gotten to know someone decently well you begin to know what pushes their buttons, gets under their skin, and their pet peeves. Rarely can we hide from others what really makes us tick for long. It shows up as our agitation, anxiety, awkward silence, drive, outspokenness, sensitivities, and quirks.
The things that stir our souls reveal important things about us. When people show us emotion, their beliefs, values, and hopes are on display (Luke 6:45). These are precious and powerful moments. These are moments when friendships are forged and lives are changed. Seeing Jesus’ relevance in these moments in the gospel is most relevant.
Unfortunately, these are also the times when there is a strong tendency to back away from people. We find these moments intimidating, uncomfortable, or “personal.” While nothing of significance should be approached cavalierly, neither should moments of such influence be ignored.
The question is, “How do we engage these moments with the honor they deserve while seeking to maximize the potential they hold?” I will offer some suggestions on how to approach these moments to engage gospel conversations.
Ask a good question. It can be as simple as an observation, “That was really important to you.” Maybe you ask, “What did you like/dislike most about that?” Just don’t let the question get in the way. Make it short and an acknowledgement that you’re interested in what is significant to them.
Honor push back. Interest is one door to winning trust; honor is another. If the other person is uncomfortable, let the question rest. We model Christ’s compassion when we do not force our concern upon them and are not offended if they are not open to the conversation.
Show genuine interest. Evangelism should never be a “technique.” Nobody wants an unsolicited counselor. If you cut quickly to what you really wanted to talk about (i.e., Jesus), you risk insulting the person you are seeking to reach.
Don’t try to complete the journey in one conversation. This is relational evangelism. If you are able to put their concern/passion into words and they say, “Thank you! Finally somebody gets it,” that is a huge win. You are an ambassador (2 Cor. 5:20). Ambassadors know the value of trust and learning culture (emotions are “personal culture”) for delivering an impactful message.
Listen for sin and suffering. When we seek to share the gospel through the window of emotion we must know how the gospel speaks to sin and suffering. We need to be able to offer God’s forgiveness and comfort. The “idols of our hearts” are sought for both pleasure and refuge. For on how the gospel speaks to sin and suffering, see these two videos.
Listen for how you’re like them. Testimony is uniquely important in these kinds of gospel conversations. You may not have the same “driving desires” (idols) linked to the same historical influences with the same emotional response. But chances are you can relate to the pattern – heart set on [blank overgrown desire] that is important to you because [historical reason] so you [emotional response]. People are not as different as we like to think we are.
As a Christian, you should be able to talk about how the gospel has changed the way you respond to those moments – how Christ’s Lordship put overgrown good desires back in proportion, is transforming the way you understand shaping events, and is creating stability in your emotions (for an example of this applied to anger/conflict click here). You just shared the gospel. Now all you need to do is to ask if they are interested in a similar relationship with Christ.
Continue having “normal” conversations. The freedom of the gospel is expressed (in part) by the fact that while Christ comes to us in our weakest moments we are not defined by those moments. Be God’s ambassador in this way as well. You are inviting them to be a part of God’s family (where people are defined by their relationships), not God’s recovery group (where people are defined by their struggle). This is someone you know them well enough that they allowed you to see their soul; honor that by showing concern for their whole life.
Posted 1 week, 1 day ago at 12:17 pm. Add a comment
Night Two (Process): “Heart” of the Counseling Ministry – The big question on this night is, “How does the Gospel relate to sin and suffering differently?” The struggles of life fit into one of these two categories: sin or suffering. The Gospel speaks to and is powerful to redeem/restore both experiences. But unless we understand the difference, our efforts to help will often come across cliché or simplistic. On this evening we will walk through the two nine step process models that will undergird the seminars that will comprise the mentoring and Freedom Group curriculum. Our goal for each of the nine step processes is that they merely represent “the Gospel in slow motion.”
Session 3.
“When the Problem is Me”
The 9 Steps for Freedom Groups (Sin)
Freedom Groups Training – Session 3 from The Summit Church on Vimeo.
Session 4.
“When the Problem is Not Me”
The 9 Steps for Freedom Groups (Suffering)
Freedom Groups Training – Session 4 from The Summit Church on Vimeo.
Posted 1 month, 3 weeks ago at 10:40 am. 2 comments
A Counselor Reflects on Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis
“I admit that this means loving people who have nothing lovable about them. But then, has oneself anything lovable about it? You love it simply because it is yourself. God intends us to love all selves in the same way and for the same reason: but He has given us the sum ready worked out in our own case to show us how it works. We have then to go on and apply the rule to all the other selves (p. 120).” Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis
There is beautiful discomfort in this quote. It is simultaneously offensive and relieving. I want to rebuttal, “What do you mean that there is nothing lovable in me? What do you mean God made it that way so I would be able to love the unlovable in others?”
But at the same time I want give a relieved sigh and say, “You mean I don’t have to ‘keep it together’? There really isn’t this perpetual pressure to be ‘good enough’ for God?”
I want the beauty of the gospel without the discomfort. I want the relief without the offense. But we simply cannot have it both ways. We want to figure out a way to overcome our insecurity without having to extend the same unmerited grace to others.
The most common approach is to do away with the biblical category of our sinful nature. Somehow we want to say that “everyone is really good” but also “nobody’s perfect” (awkward contradiction not beautiful discomfort). We try to build our self-esteem by saying that our nature is good, but then get defensive when our sinfulness breaks through our idealistic veneer and reveals our real nature.
Lewis acknowledges our sinfulness, but does not succumb to a sense of self-condemnation. His acknowledgement that there is nothing good in us to love does not cause him to sound pessimistic, negative, or hopeless. He still speaks of love and God’s design to teach us how to love with a sense of optimistic hopefulness.
In this regard, I believe we can learn as much from Lewis’ style and tone as his content. He makes a very unpopular point is the most palatable way. Lewis forces me to see my total depravity and lack of deserving love in a way that keeps the focus on God’s love and design.
I walk away thinking, “God allows me to respond to me the way I do – seeking my preservation and best interest in spite of my failure because of a love for self that is stronger than my dislike for self – so that I can learn how to love others like He loves all of us.”
I am not called to relinquish that care for self. But I am called to see that it is a faint picture of His love for me. It is a clue left in my soul meant to cause me to question, “Why would I respond to myself this way when it’s so hard to respond to anyone else this way?”
Either we are more selfish than we realize – giving ourselves advantage we won’t give anyone else. In which case, any sense of affection for self is continued self-delusion. Or, we are following a design left in us by our Creator, after the Fall, to give us a first-person experience of what His love for us is like. In this case, we follow this self-affection away from ourselves back to the source from which it came.
Let us follow Lewis’ example and realize that God’s truth always unravels very personal parts of our life struggles. When we walk to God’s truth through these questions and struggles, then even when the answers are offensive they will bring awkward comfort that leaves us trusting God more.
Posted 1 month, 3 weeks ago at 12:24 pm. Add a comment
I think most everyone is a bit weary of the commercialization of Christmas. Most of us love the season, the traditions, time with family, carols, food, and opportunity to rest. We are not tired of Christmas; we just fear losing what made it “Christmas” to begin with.
That is particularly true when it comes to our children. We do not want them to think this sacred holiday is merely about having their every electronic, plastic, and sugar-infused desire met. We love the expression on their faces as they open presents. We delight even more in putting those smiles there. But we want them to see that those presents represent “the gift;” a gift that was given not to pacify a desire or annual fad, but to meet the deepest need of their soul.
What follows is a liturgy (order of service) of sorts. Feel free to adapt it. The liturgy is intended to be highly interactive and is built around four presents and is infused with Christmas carols, Scripture and conversation. The four gifts can be given at one time prior to the family gift exchange or be given one per evening on the four nights leading up to the family gift exchange.
If you choose to use this with your family, it is advised you read through the flow of interaction several times, so that you can lead the conversation without reading it from the article. It will be more effective as a natural conversation than something read from paper (with the exception of the Scripture readings). It is also advised that you sing the hymns with your children in the weeks before Christmas. If they are already familiar with the words, then the context in which they are sung will have greater meaning.
To read this article click here:
Posted 1 month, 4 weeks ago at 12:44 pm. 1 comment
A Counselor Reflects on Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis
“’Forgive us our sins as we forgive those that sin against us.’ There is no slightest suggestion that we are offered forgiveness on any other terms. It is made perfectly clear that if we do not forgive we shall not be forgiven. There are no two ways about it. What are we to do (p.116)?” Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis
I once heard a pastor say that if he preached every sermon on forgiveness, he still would address the subject enough. Well, if he preached with this kind of punch, he also might not have a job. It’s not that I disagree with C.S. Lewis (or have the audacity to disagree with Jesus), but it just hurts to have this truth articulated in such a straight-forward manner.
The force of Jesus’ words reminds of us a central truth to our Christian walk – when we were forgiven we were purchased and therefore no longer belong to Satan or even ourselves (I Cor. 6:19-20). Jesus does not speak as a contractor making a recommendation about repairs to the owner of the house (our lives). Jesus speaks as the Builder and Twice-Owner (by creation and redemption) of the house (our lives).
We are like the renter who has been in a house for so long that we naturally call it our own and increasingly treat as our own, even though we know we pay the “rent” and not the “mortgage.” We are so comfortable in “our life” that when the Owner speaks we get offended and try to find a way to escort Him off His property.
In effect, the command to forgive is God saying, “I let you live morally rent free (paid daily by the blood of Christ), so I expect you not to charge anyone else moral rent. If you must, charge their moral rent to the same account that pays your own.” In that sense, it is actually a very, very kind command.
Think about it. What if someone offered to pay for your housing and their requirement of you was that if someone else ever owed you money to tell them to pay that debt too? Would you take the deal? The only reason that you would hesitate is to verify that it was a legitimate offer.
So when we are offended by the command to forgive others, it is us who have to answer the hard questions, not God. We have to explain how we feel justified in accepting free moral rent while trying to retain the “right” to charge others moral rent. Our indignation is actually our shame.
But that shame is covered with the same offer as our prior debt if we will humble ourselves and receive it. God is not a Landlord who delights in evicting his tenants (don’t stretch the metaphor to encompass the assurance of salvation). But rather God will forgive the debts of unforgiven-debts if we will surrender our perceived right to collect them.
The question becomes, “Who do we think we are?” If we are the same person who prayed “the sinner’s prayer,” then we are welcome to live in God’s provision all our life (temporal and eternal). However, if we believe we have become a different caliber of person, then we will live with all the moral, emotional, and relational “luxury” that our merit can provide. That is the equivalent of being homeless.
Live in grace and allow others to be your house guest.
Posted 2 months, 4 weeks ago at 12:15 pm. Add a comment
“Eyes” of the Counseling Ministry – The presentation will cover two subjects. (1) The core values of the counseling ministry: Bible-based, Gospel-centered, differentiating sin and suffering, not one-size-fits-all, embedded within the church, and transitioning into the general small group ministry. Leaders need to understand how these values are embedded throughout the counseling materials. (2) How to avoid a struggle-based identity when using a struggle-specific curriculum.
“Our deepest problem is that we seek to find our identity outside the story of redemption (p. 27)… In fact, the longer we struggle with a problem, the more likely we are to define ourselves by that problem (divorced, addicted, depressed, co-dependent, ADD). We come to believe that our problem is who we are. But while these labels may describe particular ways we struggle as sinners [or sufferers] in a fallen world, they are not our identity! If we allow them to define us, we will live trapped within their boundaries. This is no way for a child of God to live (p. 260)!” Paul Tripp in Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hand
Session 1.
“What Is a Freedom Group?”
Purpose and Vision of Freedom Groups
Freedom Groups Training – Session 1 from The Summit Church on Vimeo.
Session 2
“What a Freedom Group is Not”
How to Avoid a Struggle-Based Identity
Freedom Groups Training – Session 2 from The Summit Church on Vimeo.
Handout for Night One, Session Two: WHO I AM IN CHRIST_KELLEMEN
Posted 3 months ago at 11:21 am. Add a comment
A Counselor Reflects on Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis
“Every one says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive (p.115).” Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis
Did no one ever tell C.S. Lewis that these are the kind of quotes that make people not like you as an author? You can’t take one of the most romantic themes of Christianity (it’s even adopted in most every secular romance movies) and ruin it by displaying it’s rawness in a simple fourteen word sentence.
“Lovely forgiveness” becomes a phrase akin to “minor surgery.” Everyone knows what you mean and is agreeable to using the phrase until they are the one going to the doctor.
Forgiveness is a beautiful picture of the Gospel. The problem is that the Gospel as a very raw beauty. “Jesus in my place” purchasing forgiveness for my sin was gruesome. The power of the cross was so enormous that it could not only pay the penalty of our sin, but simultaneously change a scene that previously made us wince in horror to one that causes us to stare in awe.
The Gospel is so lovely that it transformed beauty itself. We find the echo of this transformation in the way we simultaneously marvel and resist forgiveness. Forgiveness is both the most compelling theme a well-told story can have, and the theme we most fear having to live out in our own story.
We might say that forgiveness is a God-sized beauty. It is a beauty that is too large to be contained in our finite and fallen lives. You can paint a sunset across a man’s back, but no matter how exquisite the art it does not compare to the sky set ablaze. Similarly, forgiveness is a God-sized action that when written into our life pushes at the edges of our humanity to such a degree that it is sometimes deathly painful.
This reflection pushes us to consider another miracle of the Christian faith – God came to live in us, and this is the hope of glory (Col. 1:27). The God in whom we live and move and have our being (Acts 17:28) resides in us after our conversion. God brings His capacity into our finitude.
The grandeur of the story (forgiveness) that would otherwise explode our hearts is now possible because the God who (comparatively) draws the grandest sunsets on miniature post-it notes took up residence in our hearts.
Our resistance to forgiveness is a testimony or an echo of who we were before God slipped us on like a Halloween costume and began to parade His presence in our body as a way to appeal to others in whom He wants to reside.
When others see us execute forgiveness as a radically free gift, absorbing its cost in ourselves, they ask “How-why do you do that?” We can answer, “I couldn’t. The task is beyond my capacity. When I embraced the Gospel, God came into me and I gained His capacity to forgive. It still hurts, but it now hurts like the pain of childbirth, because I know it is a testimony to the new life in me.”
This is why (not my best estimation) we can almost all unanimously agree that forgiveness is a lovely idea, and then defiantly resist it when our opportunities come to put it on display. We reveal the miracle and beauty of forgiveness even when we resist it and even when it is painful to give.
Posted 3 months ago at 12:50 pm. Add a comment
At The Summit Church, our counseling ministry wants to equip you for local missions. This is done primarily through our seminars. The next of these will be on September 25 on “Taking the Journey of Grief with Hope” in the Brier Creek South venue.
Consider the following points: (1) every person will face grief many times in their life, (2) grief is a time when we are forced to think about what’s after death, and (3) during grief people often reflect on the purpose of their life and want to talk about it.
Question: What if you had a resource which equipped you to compassionately enter those conversations and consistently directed conversations towards the gospel in grief-appropriate ways? Could you say to a friend, “I know you’re going through a lot with the loss of [name]. I know a decent study that is designed to help people process their grief, if it would help you to talk through it I’d be glad to listen.”
That is the goal of the counseling ministry – to produce these kind of materials on a myriad of subjects. To help you gain a better grasp of why we are doing things this way, this post includes one of the introductory page that is included in every Summit counseling seminar.
What Can I Hope to Get From this Seminar?
Whether you are here due to personal need, the needs of others, or for a general interest in the topic, we hope this seminar will benefit you. If we do our job well, parts of this seminar will speak to you personally. There will also be parts that speak to aspects of this subject that are different from your own experience. What follows are six unavoidable facts that should help you profit from all of the material you hear (bold faced text taken from Paul Tripp and Tim Lane How People Change):
1. Someone in your life had a problem this week. That person may be you. Even if you are here for yourself, chances are you know or will know others who struggle in this area. Because we live in a fallen world and have a sin nature, we can be certain that we will battle with sin and suffering in our lives. Because we love people, we can be certain we will be called on to love and assist others in their battle with sin and suffering.
2. We have everything we need in the Gospel to help that person (2 Peter 1:3). God has given us Himself, the Gospel, the Bible, and the church and promised they are effective for all things that pertain to life and godliness. Our task as Christians is to grow in our understanding of and ability to skillfully apply these resources to our struggles. These resources are the essence and source of “good advice,” and we hope to play a role in your efforts to apply and disseminate this “good advice.” We do not aim to present new material, but new ways of applying the timeless, eternal truths of the Gospel found in Scripture.
3. That person will seek help from friends, family members, or pastors before seeking professionals. Counseling (broadly defined as seeking to offer hope and direction through relationship) happens all the time. We talk with friends over the phone, crying children in their rooms, spouses in the kitchen, fellow church members between services, and have endless conversations with ourselves. We listen to struggles, seek to understand, offer perspective, give advice, and follow up later. This is what the New Testament calls “one-anothering” and something we are all called to do.
4. That person either got no help, bad help, or biblical, gospel-centered help. Not all counseling is good counseling. Not all advice that we receive from a Christian (even a Christian counselor) is Christian advice. Too often we are advised to look within for the answers to our problems or told that we are good enough, strong enough, or smart enough in ourselves to overcome. Hopefully you will see today how the Bible calls us to something (rather Someone) better, bigger, and more effective than these messages.
5. If they did not get meaningful help, they will go elsewhere. When we do not receive good advice (pointing us to enduring life transformation), we keep looking. We need answers to our struggles. This means that as people find unfulfilling answers they will eventually (by God’s grace) come to a Christian for advice. When they eventually come to you, we hope you will be more prepared because of our time together today.
6. Whatever help they received, they will use to help others! We become evangelists for the things that make life better (this is why the Gospel is simply called “Good News”). We quite naturally share the things that we find to be effective. Our prayer for you today is that you will find the material presented effective for your struggles and that you will be so comforted and encouraged by it that it will enable you to be a more passionate and effective ambassador of the Gospel in the midst of “normal” daily conversations.
Posted 4 months, 4 weeks ago at 12:23 pm. Add a comment
A Counselor Reflects on Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis
“Some of us who seem quite nice people may, in fact, have made so little use of a good heredity and a good upbringing that we are really worse than those whom we regard as fiends. Can we be quite certain how we should have behaved if we had been saddled with the psychological outfit, and then with the bad upbringing, and then with the power, say, of Himmler? That is why Christians are told not to judge. We see only the results which a man’s choices make out of his raw material. But God does not judge him on the raw material at all, but on what he has done with it (p. 91).” Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis
It would be easy to miss what Lewis is saying for fear of how people might apply his words. When we read a statement like this we (or at least I am) are quick to think, “People could easily use this kind of statement to absolve themselves of personal responsibility for their actions.” Or we might go in the other direction, “Does this mean that my faithfulness and hard work have contributed nothing to my life?”
Both statements would miss the point. God is fairer than we could ever be. We often try to measure God’s fairness on the basis of His equality. When we do this we often find God’s fairness lacking, because He has not gifted each person equally.
However, we resort to equality as our criteria of fairness because that is a limitation of finiteness. If we were able to be as fair as we believed fair, the result would be boring and unmotivating uniformity. God is able to be fair (“just” might a more complete word) in a world of variety. This is because God is not limited to the observation, measurement, and enjoyment of external variables.
We may be most like God in this way as parents of young children of various ages. We praise a crawler who takes his first step, but reprimand an adolescent who drags his feet while doing a job he does not enjoy. But even in this example we are able to suspend our judgment on the basis of the measurable external factors related to physical maturity and coordination development.
So what should we take away from this reflection? It would be easy to say humility (which could easily be thinly veiled shame) or a reprimand for being too judgmental (which could easily lead us to compromise truth).
I would say that we should take away a sense of peace in God’s justness that allowed us to stop competing with one another. If we stopped competing with one another to see who was better (based upon any given Christian virtue – Bible knowledge, patience, servanthood, etc…), then humility would arise without the danger of shame. If we were not competing, then we would not be judgmental but free to love one another with the truth.
I think the reason we (or at least I am) are quick to be defensive with this quote is because we are afraid that it will strip us of whatever “advantage” we have “earned” by our obedience. Thinking in terms of “advantage” or “status” reveals that we are competing with those we are called to serve. While thinking in terms of “earning” something through our obedience, reveals we have departed from the Gospel as the motivator for our service.
In the end, I think the way that we respond to this quote (at least if you’re anything like me) reveals how much we need to hear its message. It gives me freedom, but too often I still want to compete.
Posted 7 months ago at 12:45 pm. Add a comment
This post is meant to offer guidance to common “What now?” questions that could emerge from Pastor J.D.’s sermon “Ambition” preached at The Summit Church Saturday/Sunday June 4-5, 2011.
It is so easy to get caught in the habit of thinking that a virtue only has one opposite. What is the opposite of love? Hate. What is the opposite of peace? War. These are the natural and right answers, although incomplete.
The opposite of love is also apathy. The opposite of peace is also denial. Not caring is as alien to love as wanting to do great harm. Pretending things are okay when they are not is as foreign to peace as picking a fight.
We have a habit of only thinking of the aggressive distortions of a virtue (hate or war) and overlooking the passive distortions (apathy or denial). This may be because we were influenced by the movie Bambi more than we realized. Remember Thumper’s mother’s advice, “If you cannot say something nice do not say anything at all.” Too often we live as if God said that and applied it to every virtue of life.
This is as true of ambition as it is of any other virtue. We naturally think of the aggressive distortions of ambition – selfishness, pride, exploitation, neglecting family, etc… We call these sins (rightfully) and condemn those who practice them (too often self-righteously).
Yet we often turn a blind eye to the passive distortions of ambition – fear of failure, purposelessness, low self-esteem, laziness, lack of faith, insecurity, discontentment, etc… We call these personality flaws (mislabeling them) and treat them as if they only need to be more understood and accepted (offering false comfort; Jer. 6:14).
The aggressive and passive distortions of any virtue are equally wrong. Both 5 and -5 are equally distant from 0. Their consequences may be different. But they each equally misrepresent the character of God.
The answer for both is the same learning godly ambition through the Gospel.
Aggressive distortions of godly ambition need to die to self. These distortions serve self through consuming others for the purpose of advancing their own kingdom. Their forms of control are also aggressive as they use power, influence, and money to manipulate others to advance their agenda. They are convinced they are right or have the right to act as they do.
Passive distortions of godly ambition need to die to self. These distortions serve self through protecting self for the purpose of not risking their own kingdom. Their forms of control are passive aggressive as they use guilt, inactivity, or dependency to manipulate others to advance their agenda. They would never admit they are manipulating anyone and would continue their self-protection by how offended they feel at hearing such a suggestion.
It is only the Gospel that allows us to live for a kingdom other than self. We realize that neither the advancement nor the protection of our kingdom will ever really satisfy our souls. We were made for something bigger than self (a thought at the very core of godly ambition).
We begin to consider how our talents, abilities, relationships, possessions, education, and time can be leveraged for the advancement of God’s kingdom. Our creativity is freed from fear (the root of the passive distortions of ambition) because the most precious thing we have is the endless gift of the Gospel. There is no risk with what you cannot lose.
Our end product is freed from self-centeredness (the root of aggressive distortions of ambition) because our mission is captured in the theme “He must increase, but I decrease (John 3:30).” We realize that we were blessed in order than we might be a blessing to others (Gen 12:2).
In the end, we find the joy that can drive our souls for eternity without chewing up the things we love most (spouse and children) and blesses those that God is especially fond of (the homeless, orphans, prisoners, unwed mothers, high school drop outs, etc…, cf James 2:26-27). Now our ambition drives those we love towards God through our example and draws those God loves to Him through our service and generosity. We will, then, do great things by God’s grace as our ambition become what God intended it to be all along.
Posted 8 months ago at 11:22 am. Add a comment
