This is the fifth podcast in a nine part series entitled “True Betrayal: Overcoming the Betrayal of Your Spouse’s Sexual Sin.” True Betrayal has a complementing seminar entitled “False Love: Overcoming Sexual Sin from Pornography to Adultery.” For more information on either seminar, please follow the links provided.
“It Feels Like I Loss Something”
MOURN the wrongness of what happened and receive God’s comfort.
“I am willing to agree with God emotionally about my suffering. I can see that God does not just want me to ‘get over this’ but to ‘love me through my loss and pain.’ [describe difference] I will accept that ‘blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted (Matt 5:4)’ as expressed by God’s loving me personally through this group. Mourning my suffering with God and this group has changed me [describe].”
Memorize: Zephaniah 3:18-19 (ESV), “I will gather those of you who mourn for the festival, so that you will no longer suffer reproach. Behold at that time I will deal with all your oppressors. And I will save the lame, and gather the outcast, and I will change their shame into praise and renown in all the earth.” As you memorize this passage reflect upon these key points:
- “I will” – God is voluntarily involved. You do not have to beg. God is more eager to help than you are desperate.
- “You who mourn” – God has a special compassion for those who are mourning (Psalm 56:8).
- “Suffer reproach” – God understands that there is more to your grief than the loss of something precious.
- “Deal with all your oppressors” – You can trust God with your spouse and everyone else involved in his/her sin.
- “Lame… outcast… shame” – God knows your experience: feeling powerless, rejected, and embarrassed.
“We found that not recognizing the loss, not mourning, only made it worse (p. 131)… It took us a while to identify the things we had lost, and even when we did, accepting that they were really gone was more difficult than we expected it would be. However, once we were able to name them, it seemed we had taken another step on the path of healing. We didn’t feel so stuck (p. 132).” Gary & Mona Shriver in Unfaithful
“Forgiving the addict prematurely is a common problem for many partners… It is essential for you to grieve your losses before being able to forgive (p. 50).” Stephanie Carnes in Mending a Shattered Heart
“It is definitely a healing moment, however, when both infidel and spouse can acknowledge the depth of pain the adultery has caused: when the spouse can say they believe the infidel ‘gets it’ (p. 117).” Gary & Mona Shriver in Unfaithful
“We had to mourn the time of Gary’s unfaithfulness, but that did not mean his faithfulness to Mona or to God could not be resumed (p. 135).” Gary & Mona Shriver in Unfaithful
Other podcasts in the G4-addiction series are available at: