Do you miss the days of report cards? For some of us that might be a traumatic question. But there was something nice about always knowing how you were doing. That is part of what can make parenting so scary. It is hard to know how you are doing.
When we do not know how to measure how we are doing, we tend to ride a roller coaster. On bad days we assume we are cosmic parental failures and that our kid’s life hardships will be our fault. On good days we are prepared to tell everyone else what they ought to do with their rotten kids.
Below is a “report card” of sorts to grade your parental discipline. This tool, among many other things, will be unpacked as part of the “Effectively Using the Bible & Gospel” seminar.
Tuesday Sept 7, 2010
National Hills Baptist Church
2725 Washington Road; Augusta, GA 30909
9:00 am until Noon or 6:00 pm until 9:00 pm
$20.00 per person
What was the offense?
I. Pre-“Issue” Assessment: Are you and your spouse (if applicable) in agreement on this subject? Are there aspects of this subject you need to further study biblically or otherwise? Do you have insecurities or pet peeves that make it hard for you to be objective on this subject?
II. Pre-Discipline Assessment: (Circle One)
1. Did you remain calm? Yes No
2. Did you restrain from making hollow threats of punishment? Yes No
3. Did you restrain from shaming or embarrassing the child? Yes No
4. Did you restrain from physical aggression? Yes No
5. Did you resist viewing the episode as a power struggle? Yes No
6. How many times did the action occur before you addressed it? _________
III. Disciplinary Conversation Assessment: (Circle one)
1. Before acting did the child know the action was wrong? Yes No
2. Was the child asked to express what they did wrong? Yes No
3. Was the child asked to answer a heart question (see below)? Yes No
4. Was an opportunity for the child to repent provided? Yes No
5. Was discipline administered within predefined parameters? Yes No
Discipline Administered: ____________________________________________
6. Did you forgive and re-affirm love for the child? Yes No
7. Did you follow through on discipline (if applicable)? Yes No
IV. Post-Discipline Assessment: Heart Questions – What was it that was so important that you were willing to disobey in order to get it? What were you trying to achieve with this action? What desire were you obeying when you did this? How would this action have provided security, identity, or pleasure? Who were you trying to please or win their approval? Do you think this was your “right”?
Key Theme of Heart Question: ________________________________________
What elements of this disobedience (activity, patterns, threats, peer presence etc…) have been frequently repeated in past episodes of disobedience? What instruction, discernment, or training is needed in the future to help your child mature? How are you preparing to help your child meet this struggle?